Big Fatty Fat Fat Gorilla

So a guy that Nick used to be friends with took a picture of him and I together and photoshopped a gorilla face over my face. Fucking lovely. I told Nick not to kick the kids ass because God would deal with it. I feel like if I didn't leave shit like this in God's hands I would have gone crazy by now.

Also, some one asked me if I knew what exercise was. . .
No please explain this weird new concept to me. You mean if I move around body get's smaller? What is this I don't even. They also told me I should join weight watchers lol okay fuck you.

I feel fat and disgusting. I was worried I'd go into nonstop binge mode but I'm doing okay right now. Tomorrow I plan to start a 3 day water fast as a way of getting all the food out of my system and starting over fresh.

I'm drinking water right now actually
wooooh water.

I hate me

I'm on a never ending cycle of binging and hating myself
can life be over now?
Not yet?
Okay just checking.

I've decided to stop counting calories

Even though I'm not reading the labels I'm chosing foods I know the calories of and mentally adding it up. So I guess I'm still counting then? Ahh I don't know.

Today I ate a slice of wheat toast with sugar free stawberry jelly, a small apple, and sugar free jello for breakfest/lunch. It was actually pretty filling. I don't feel hungry at all right now.

I've been praying that I don't binge today, I think I can do it. (:

Thinspo

Just because I feel like it.

An update on life

It's been almost two months since I took a little vacation from the blog. So you may be wondering what's changed in my life and if not well I'm going to tell you anyway.

• Nick and I got back together I believe a month and a half ago.
• I lost my virginity
• had a pregnancy scare
• gained some weight ):
• barely going to school (still)
• I've decided I want to be a clown and a secretary
• I'll be moving this summer
• oh and I'm getting new glasses soon

That's about it really. Oh and todays a 400 day for the 2468 diet.
I've eated wheat toast with sugar free jelly, a cup of dry cheerios, and a pickle.

Well it's been a while

I deleted my blog because I had convinced myself that I was fine. In the time I've been away I've done nothing but binge. I finally convinced myself that it's been to restrict and fast than binge every single day. So right now I am on the 2468 diet but instead of going 2468642 I'm going 246802468. I need a binge day and a fast day because I feel like a failure if I don't fast like once a week or once every two weeks. I hope you guys will still be interested in reading my blog and if not then I apologize.


I feel terrible for failing the ABC diet at day 23. That diet just didn't work for me, yes I lost weight while on it but it drove me crazy. I wasn't ready for how hard it was really going to be.


Thank you so much to the people who choose to continue reading my blog.

ABC Diet Day 18



"When you love someone, you say their name different. Like it's safe inside your mouth." — Jodi Picoult

Thinspiration? Lovespiration? Who knows.


Well my dears, it's been 4 days. That's all it took for all the feelings to become undeniable. I've gone through so much shit, I'm hard, I'm strong, and yet he makes me weak. He makes my heart pound and hands shake. He makes my mind race and my voice break. Even when I'm all choked up with tears he makes it easy for me to breath and laugh. I'm afraid of falling for him and getting hurt again but I've never really had a choice. I've always loved the Troublemaker. Once MLK day came along there was no turning back, I've loved him every minute since then. I still can't believe it's been over a year.

On to the numbers

What I ate:
Coffee
2 slices of Wheat toast
Sugar Free Strawberry Jelly
Total Calories: 165
Calorie Limit: 200

What I did:
25 minutes of running / speed ball
Calories burned: 477

I currently weigh:
183 lbs.

What to do, what to do about Valentines Day. . .hmmm. Suggestions?